In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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