there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
