someone get that fucking seahorse.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
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