i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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