you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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