I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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