I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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