New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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