I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
