some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
