i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
