Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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