I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
