i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
