This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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