I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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