At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize