Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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