i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
the liver wants what the liver wants
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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