Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My dad just said "fuck circus"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
