Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I will pee on everything he values.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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