Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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