He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
