hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I deserve this hangover.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
