Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
