I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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