i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize