i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
