ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
