Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
