On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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