bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize