twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
