I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
