Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Randomize
