just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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