I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
