Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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