The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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