Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
