we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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