In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It's shark week go big or go home
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
