WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
