Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
