i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
