So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize