you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
