so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
