this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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