She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
