i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
