I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
