All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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