dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
