Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
