You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Randomize
