youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
