You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
