he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Randomize
