I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize