yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
pray to the hookup gods
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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