You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
