and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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