Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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