where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
