i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
