he wants to bone in the snuggie
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You're earring is so big in my mouth
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
