I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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